Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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