dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
