i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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