***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
