The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love having hate sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
