Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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