You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
