she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're too hungover to prance.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
