Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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