My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
