well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
