My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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