Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
