So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
