There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
