oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
