can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
