I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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