Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
