maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize