textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
