There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
