I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize