The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
