So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
