My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
should my penis look like a turkey
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
