i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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