omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
