Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
