she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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