Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
