can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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