some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
