omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
