Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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