it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
