First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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