fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
