whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
