i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
