you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
