So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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