ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
