I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize