We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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