i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
