My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
