the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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