38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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