chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
