The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
