This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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