Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
