Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
