whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
