I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
