I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize