Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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