where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
