he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
