Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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