things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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