I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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