my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
