we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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