Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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