I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
