Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
