He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
