My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
