I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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