If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
