At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
