All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
