I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
