Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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