fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
