She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
