I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
