I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
