im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
