hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
