easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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