I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
