i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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