I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
