Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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