Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
wow bdsm is so cute
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
