how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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