last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
